My husband's not a jerk or an old-fashioned dude. When his response to my announcement that I am ready--and think Lilly is ready-- to sleep in her own bed at night is "so does this mean I will be tired too now?" it does not mean that he is not a devoted co-parent. Far from it. If you know Leighton, you know this is just his bemused way of thinking each step through. If you step back a little, you might even find it amusing (unless you're the spouse; in particular one who's been on edge).
In fact, it was I who asked Leighton to leave the family bed when I was about to nighttime wean Lilly. Sure, the bed had felt way too hot and crowded for quite a while up until then. But I was so wanting her to self-wean. She was nineteen months, and I figured her constant requests for the boob would soon dwindle. Except it didn't. And then when I started driving through red stop signs, I knew it was time.
But Leighton has a kind, sensitive heart, and I knew I couldn't worry about him lying there aching for Lilly while I was having my own hard time with the weaning issue; so I asked him to sleep in her bed.
The nighttime weaning did involve some whining, but as I've said, it was not in a despondent, despairing way, but in an pissed off, angry manner. It didn't take long for her to settle. Finding comfort in my body, if not in my boob, the transition went well.
This most recent transition of Lilly sleeping in her own bed at night, started out as a smooth move too. But then at the end of the week of gloriously restful night, we're back to having a squirmy child (at its best) next to us or (more often) on top us. Not having those powerful boobs around Thursday night while I was out with a friend, was the trigger. She's not used to me being out; last time was in March when I got a ladies' night out with my friends for my birthday. On Thursday, I got in bed around midnight and she joined us shortly after.
The following day she was extremely lovey for mama, expressing her love for me in sweet, tender ways throughout the day, as if to ensure my enamored affection for her and that I would never leave her at night again.
Even during nap yesterday, she would not let me leave her. Clinging to my body, I figured her needs for me might have something to do with the thunderous weather we'd been having that day too, but all was quiet during her nap time. Still, nap aborted, despite her exhaustion.
Her going to bed last night according to our new routines went fine, but then at 11:30 P.M. she came in to our room, crying. Leighton got up and went back to her room to lie down with her there, and there he stayed. The entire night she whimpered.
So yes, now Leighton is tired too. And whereas yesterday, Lilly was all cute and lovey, today she's just a whining brat. I know this doesn't sound very attachment parenting oriented, but plainly; it sucks.
It was easy to dote on her yesterday when every other second she'd tell me how much she loves me and in general was just so nice and "good" (I hate that term, but use it now for lack of better).
Not so today.
When out on errands this morning, I finally stopped the car and, exasperated, I turned around and asked her "what?" Why so whiny? And she answered it's because she can't sleep because she's sad she can't sleep with mama. Of course that comment melted my heart -- for a moment. It has not sustained the day.
I feel like our one step ahead, has led us two steps back. Or maybe it's more like one gigantic leap resulting in a proportionally huge lapse.
Some words of hope and encouragement to help me endure this rite of passage?